Setting boundaries with your ex can feel emotionally complicated.

You want to stay calm. Be fair. Put your child first. But there’s that gnawing voice inside:

“If I say no, will they think I’m difficult?”
“What if my child gets caught in the middle?”
“Am I just being selfish?”

Let’s be clear: Setting boundaries doesn’t make you the ‘bad parent.’

It makes you a calm one. A clear one. A child-focused one.

This blog shares 3 mindset shifts to help you let go of guilt, plus 3 practical boundary tips to help you feel more confident and less reactive.

 

Mindset Shift 1: Boundaries = Care, Not Control

Boundaries aren’t about punishing your ex. They’re about protecting your energy and creating a consistent environment for your child.

You’re not being cold. You’re being clear.

 

Mindset Shift 2: Your Calm Is a Gift to Your Child

When your child sees you respond (not react), you’re modelling emotional resilience. That’s a lifelong skill. Boundaries create the space for that calm to grow.

 

Mindset Shift 3: Looking After You IS Looking After Them

Guilt says, “Don’t rock the boat.” But you matter too. When you’re well, your child benefits. When you’re overwhelmed, everyone feels it. Boundaries protect that balance.

 

Practical Tip 1: Use Child-Focused Language

Instead of: “You’re stressing me out with these changes.”
Try: “[Child’s name] copes better when plans are stable. Let’s stick to what we agreed, or give each other a heads-up with 24 hours’ notice.”

 

Practical Tip 2: Create a Communication Rhythm

“Would you be open to a weekly check-in? Sundays around 6pm works for me. That way we can stay aligned without texting constantly.”

This sets expectation and reduces in-the-moment tension.

 

Practical Tip 3: Frame Boundaries as Teamwork

“I’ve noticed handovers are feeling rushed. Could we agree a 10-minute buffer so [child] doesn’t feel caught in the middle?”

Team-focused language helps shift the energy from conflict to collaboration.

 

What To Do When Guilt Creeps In

Pause. Breathe.

Ask: Is this boundary for punishment or peace?

Guilt is a signal — not always a truth. Check in with yourself. Boundaries can feel uncomfortable because they matter.

Stick with it. Your peace teaches your child something powerful: calm is possible, even after separation.

 

Free Worksheet: Practise the Scripts + Mindset Reframes

Download our free Guilt-to-Confidence Worksheet — packed with journaling prompts, reframe tips and starter scripts to help you practise what you’ve just read.

And if you want full support creating a co-parenting dynamic that feels calmer and more in control, our full programme walks you step-by-step through it all.

[Link to lead magnet + programme page]

 

You are not a bad parent for having boundaries.

You are a loving parent for wanting clarity, calm, and consistency.

Start with one script. Test one reframe. You deserve to feel steady again.